About Toby
Toby Messer uses a blend of practical and reflective therapy to help people make meaningful change. He aims to understand why behaviours and emotions happen, then works on steps that bring relief now. Toby presents ideas clearly and keeps sessions focused on what clients say matters to them.
He draws on several approaches to suit different needs, including cognitive and behavioural methods alongside attachment and client-centred ways of working. These approaches help with anxiety, depression, addiction, relationship and intimacy concerns, grief, self-esteem, career stresses, and coping with change.
How Toby works
He also supports people facing ADHD, compassion fatigue, and long-term health or caregiving stress. With 11 years of experience, Toby combines active strategies with reflective conversation. That means some sessions focus on skill-building and practical tasks.
Other times the work looks at patterns from the past that still affect daily life. Toby works with people from a range of backgrounds, including those in LGBT communities and people dealing with issues like body image, sex and kink concerns, and commitment or attachment difficulties. He also addresses less common areas such as antisocial personality traits and coping after disasters.
Sessions are offered in English and he accepts international clients. He offers video calls, phone sessions, live chat and text-based messaging to fit different schedules and needs.
Toby lists 13 ways of working on the entry:
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- Attachment-Based Therapy
- Client-Centered Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
- Existential Therapy
- Jungian Therapy
- Mindfulness Therapy
- Motivational Interviewing
- Psychodynamic Therapy
- Solution-Focused Therapy
- Trauma-Focused Therapy
- Systemic Therapy
What Toby works with
The areas below are the ones Toby selected when setting up a profile. The first few are listed as the main focus; the rest are also named.
- Stress, Anxiety
- Relationship issues
- Grief
Also listed
- Abandonment
- Addictions
- ADHD
- Aging and geriatric issues
- Anger management
- Antisocial personality
- Attachment issues
- BDSM, kink, and alternative sex culture
- Bipolar disorder
- Blended family issues
- Body image
- Cancer
- Career difficulties
- Caregiver issues and stress
- Chronic pain, illness, and disability
- Coaching
- Codependency
- Commitment issues
- Communication problems
- Compassion fatigue
- Control issues
- Coping with life changes
- Coping with natural or human-caused disaster
- Dependent personality
- Depression
- Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD)
- Dissociation
- Divorce and separation
- Domestic violence
- Drug and alcohol addiction
- Eating and food-related issues
- Eating disorders
- Emptiness
- Family conflicts
- Family of origin issues
- Family problems
- Fatherhood issues
- Fertility issues
- First responder issues
- Forgiveness
- Gender dysphoria
- Guilt and shame
- Hoarding
- Hospice and end-of-life counseling
- Impulsivity
- Infidelity
- Intimacy-related issues
- Isolation / loneliness
- Jealousy
- LGBT
- Life purpose
- Men's issues
- Midlife crisis
- Money and financial issues
- Mood disorders
- Multicultural concerns
- Narcissism
- Obsessions, compulsions, and OCD
- Panic disorder and panic attacks
- Paranoia
- Parenting issues
- Personality disorders
- Phobias
- Polyamory / non-monogamous relationships
- Post-traumatic stress
- Postpartum depression
- Pregnancy and childbirth
- Process addiction (porn, exercise, gambling)
- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Self esteem
- Self-harm
- Self-love
- Sex addiction
- Sexual assault and abuse
- Sexual dysfunction
- Sexuality
- Sleeping disorders
- Social anxiety and phobia
- Trauma and abuse
- Trichotillomania
- Veteran and Armed Forces Issues
- Workplace issues
- Young adult issues
Training and background
| Register | NCPS |
|---|---|
| Years in practice | 11 |
| Languages | English |
| Session format | Online: video, phone, live chat or messaging |
| Country | United Kingdom |
Memberships and registers are shown as supplied; they are not licences, and this directory does not verify them.
Online support options
Therapeutic approaches adapted for online care
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses on values and actions. It helps people notice difficult thoughts and feelings without being ruled by them, then choose small steps that fit what matters. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) looks at thinking and behaviour patterns and offers concrete tools to shift unhelpful habits and reduce symptoms such as anxiety or low mood.Choosing the right approach is a collaborative process. The therapist will review your concerns, goals and preferences and suggest which methods to try. That plan can change as sessions progress so the work stays relevant to what you want to achieve.
Online sessions are available by video call, phone, live chat or text-based messaging. Video calls let you use visual cues for deeper conversation, while phone sessions can be quicker and use less bandwidth. Live chat and messaging are useful for shorter check-ins or when writing feels easier than speaking. These options make it easier to fit therapy around work, caregiving and travel, and they help people access support across different time zones.
Start online instead of waiting
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Common questions
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A practical next step
Write down two things you would want to be different in six months. That is the most useful thing to bring to a first session, whoever it is with. If you would rather start now than keep reading, online sessions are the quickest route.
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